what men empowerment means and why we need it?
Yes, you read that right. There is a significant need to empower the men of this patriarchal world and probably they need it more than the women do.
We Have been empowering women ever since the concept of feminism came to exist and it has undeniably changed the world (quite a bit). Women almost all over the world have been able to protect and retain their rights of education, independence, citizenship, gain the right to vote and inherit property but none of the changes have practically been applied to our lives, to such an extent, which eradicates distinction between women and men.
Equality in theory or in practice?
Women are distinctly paid 18% less than the men, only 6 out of 10 females are educated in India compared to 8 out of 10 men. In a recent survey in which women were asked what they would do if there were no men more than 80% of them suggested that they would go out for a walk at night.
1 rape case is reported every 15 mins in India, imagine what the real number would be! 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. These numbers are not really decreasing, but increasing. A woman has experienced harassment at least once by the age of 16. A woman is sexually harassed or abused at least once every year in some way or another.
Nivedita Menon in her book seeing like a feminist reported- In 2009, Madhya Pradesh CM announced a fund for marriage dowry in India and the conditions for one to be being applicable for it was that the woman should pass a virginity test.
Only TEN countries have complete equal rights for women where India stands at only 74%.
Coming back to the main question-
Even though we have been empowering women to get educated, work for themselves, be independent, protect themselves, etc., etc. why are the crimes against women only increasing?
Theoretically, we have almost equal rights for women and men but why can’t most women practice these rights?
Because, the patriarchal world (obviously) has assumed that men don’t need any empowerment and it’s only the women who need to change themselves, get adjusted, work harder and so much more to be treated like a human being. It’s the women who need to carry pepper sprays and learn Pilates to avoid rapes, it’s the women who need to cover themselves and avoid night outs to protect themselves.
think about it-
You are alone in the street with a pepper spray and some basic skills of martial arts. You are walking peacefully but a man comes who you suspect to be trying to cross your comfort zone. You take out your pepper spray and spray on him. Seeing this his friend comes from behind and takes the pepper spray from you, you fight with him and try to protect yourself, in the meanwhile 4-5 more men come and guard you, you try to fight but they are so many now, you can’t do anything.
In this situation- you were fully empowered but you lost. Why?
Because as a society we said- Men will be Men and forgot to empower them with humanity.
Because as a society we said- Men will be Men and forgot to empower them with humanity.
One of the main topics on which researchers and psychologists are spending more time is Toxic masculinity, and it is believed to be the roots of not only rape and abuse culture but of the gender inequality in general.
Dr. Sheela, a consultant psychologist at Calicut in an article said that the vast majority (95%) of the sexual assault cases came to her was interconnected to the patriarchal family setup and husband’s authoritative ego.
Most of the reported cases of rape and abuse have explained the trigger for the men to be ‘the woman being more successful’, ‘being rejected by a woman he really wants’,
Another reason undeniably is objectification of women, the words men use in their daily lives: bros before hoes, I just raped you (defeat you in a game) not only prove how pathetically they think of women but of how toxic their masculinity is.
In the end It all comes down to how we were brought up as a child
In the same household, a boy and a girl are treated EXTREMELY differently. Especially in India I have seen that parents feed the big fat male ego of boys since the very beginning of their lives. In many households’ boys are given unwarranted attention and they end up being individuals who don’t even get up to get water for themselves. Boys are treated like a treasure whereas the girls like a ‘bojh’ (burden)
Chimamanda Adichie has made very appealing arguments on these grounds in her two books ‘we should all be feminists’ and a ‘feminist manifesto in 15 seconds.’
what can we do to bring small amounts of change?
We can give men space to express their emotions, we can create an environment for them in which they can be more than the societal definitions of “a man”.
We can teach them to face rejection, we can make feminism a household culture, we can raise our kids to be feminists.
We can educate the men about the problems and disadvantages women face in today’s world.
We can teach men how to respect women’s body.
We can try to get men to crush their male egos by making them aware of it.
We, as a society now can focus on the empowerment of men, changing the mentality of men, educating the men, and making them part of this fight that we are constantly participating in but for this-
We NEED to come out of the stereotypes and get a little uncomfortable.
Instead of asking a man to man up, lets listen to his feelings and experiences.
Instead of teaching women how to be more feminine lets teach men how to face rejection.
Instead of holding workshops for women to learn martial arts for safety, lets hold workshops for men on how to behave when you see someone you find hot.
Instead of asking women to change their clothes, lets entrust in men a tendency to think differently.
Instead of asking women to stay home, lets teach men who have the urge to rape to stay home.
Instead of holding workshops for women on how to protect themselves from abusive and domestically violent relationships, let’s ask the government to make marital rape illegal in India.
I’m not saying that the things we are doing for the women are all wrong but what I am saying is that we probably need to focus some if not all our energy to change the men too, to empower them to think right.
We need to allow the men to be more than “Men will be men”.
We have successfully empowered women enough and I am so grateful for the ones who have been part of this fight and brought about so many changes which seemed impossible 100 years back. I thank you and I am grateful for your efforts. It’s because you all that I am currently equipped enough to write this down in English from my home. But now, I strongly urge you to change your focus and put it where it seems even more impossible, I urge you to empower the men now, the men of India, the men of the world because otherwise not only women but all of us collectively will fail as a society.
If not, Equality and a feminist world will remain only a dream.
If you liked this article take a look at my paintings on Woman: the other and Equality.